1.07.2005

miscarry me far far away from virginia

Absolute fucking insanity apparently has a new name:HB1677.
As well as a new master: Sen. John Cosgrove (R- surprise!) of Virginia.

I'd like to be funny about this, but really, it's not funny. It's monstrous. It's frightening. And it's some of the most twisted and downright mean legislation that pro-lifers have come up with in recent memory. Not for lack of trying, of course.

According to the bill's summary, HB1677

Provides that when a fetal death occurs without medical attendance, it shall be the woman's responsibility to report the death to the proper law-enforcement agency within 12 hours of the delivery. Violation of this section shall be punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.


Just to clarify, for anyone not fully horrified, this means that any woman who has a natural miscarriage at any stage of pregnancy must report it within 12 hours. A class 1 misdemeanor, by the way, is the same catagory Virginia affords to stalkers, statutory rapists, and the good people who make bomb threats. Is there any other instance in the United States where failing to report a completely natural body function is considered a crime? I'm reminded of the episode of Crank Yankers where the unsuspecting man is jokingly fined for environmental damage due to his overzealous bowel movements. Unfortunately, this time it isn't foul-mouthed puppets on a cable show. It's a senator.

The logistics, of course, are mindboggling. Even conservative estimates say that around 15% of pregnancies end in miscarriages. Most likely that number is much higher when you consider very early miscarriages from women who had no idea they were even pregnant. Not that this bill differentiates. And what about those women who didn't know they were pregnant? Criminals, all of them! And speaking of criminals, how will the fuzz deal with this? The impossibility of enforcement would make even the war on drugs look like a smashing success. The only way they can possibly keep track is if women are crazy enough to get prenatal care. We certainly wouldn't want to be encouraging that!

But more importantly, how the fuck is this guy going to tell thousands of women, only hours after they've miscarried, to shelve their pain while they fill out some forms?

I'm sick of these pro-child, pro-family, pro-asshole republicans living up to every stereotype I have of them. Someone prove me wrong already. Please. It's not that hard. My standards for republicans are appallingly low these days.

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