Flavian, save me from your neighbors.

Serial killers. They may be morbidly fascinating to watch on Court TV, but you do not want one living near you. Really. They're not good neighbors.

So I went to visit my friend Brian (aka flavian, aka guy incognito) today. He just moved to the central florida area, and found himself with a very limited apartment selection due to the recent hurricane damage. Actually, he only had one option, and that one was not particularly pretty. But what are you going to do? He took it, and moved in last week.

I pulled my car into his new apartment complex and saw a man standing on a porch near Brian's new home. New neighbors. Exciting, isn't it? He had no shirt. Quite possibly no pants, but *dear god* I wasn't about to get close enough to look. I soon realized that he was staring at me. I gave the required nod of acknowledgement, sure that this would end the staring.

It didn't.

His creepy, serial-killer eyes followed me all the way to Brian's front door. I was practically screeching when I got there.

"Did you KNOW your neighbor is a goddamned, creepy-ass, serial-killer? He will not stop leering at me! Thank god I don't sleep here, cause he would gladly kill me during it!"

"Oh- you mean 'porch guy?' Yeah, he does that."

Um. ok.

Apparently, this was a serious step-up for Brian as far as neighbors go. His last one was cheerfully nicknamed 'old prostitute guy,' and quite possibly died in his apartment, with his body rotting in there for 3 full weeks. Brian has no proof of his passing other than flimsy circumstantial evidence, but he feels confident in his morbid theory. According to him, 'old prositute guy' wasn't the type to just up and leave. He had roots in his community. Whatever, Brian.

But back to 'porch guy.' Brian informed me that when he first arrived, he too noticed 'porch guy' leering at him. Not only that, but after Brian was safely inside his apartment, 'porch guy' walked over to Brian's car, and made two slow, suspicious laps around it, before going back to his clothing-optional post.

This made me feel slightly better. At least I wasn't being singled out by our local mass-murderer. He was into Brian too. And Brian has a newer car to steal.

Looks like you'll be taking one for the team, buddy.