Smooth Operator... really was an operator this time.

Lightning has struck me twice within the past week. How? How do these jackasses just flock to me?

Tonight, as I do many nights at work, I had to call our alarm monitoring company. We had a fire alarm going off, but no fire. So, this is my job. This is the important part.
Every few weeks they call and say:

"We have an alarm going off at your location."

To which I reply:
"Oh shit. Don't send the fire department. Really. I promise. There's no fire. Our alarms just have a sick sense of humor."

To which they reply:
"Too late. They've already been dispatched."

To which I reply:
"I know. Mother fuck, I know."

It's a nice little routine we have going. But someone decided to fuck that up in a nasty way for me tonight.

I called and asked to have our alarms put on "test," which is basically a preemptive strike to keep the fuzz from coming out when I know there will be false alarms. I do this often enough that the veteran operators at the monitoring company know me by voice, name, and building code. Woot.

So this new jackass starts off innocently enough. Don't they all. He asked me how my Thanksgiving was. Fine, buddy. He mentioned that I "sounded reeeeaaally young."

Note to, um, everyone. DON'T ever tell a woman (PARTICULARLY one that you've never spoken to before, or know only in a business sense) over the phone that she sounds "reeeaaally young." In your sick little world, it may seem like a compliment. It Is Not. It is the biggest "creepy porn-obsessed asshole" alert you could ever give off.

I just sighed and went on with my business. "put this on test, blah blah blah." But no. He wasn't content to have me just strongly suspicious of him. He needed me to know for sure that he was a full on, butt-dangling, turd.

He lowered his voice and said cockily "Are you a little girl who's calling about your daddy's business?"

Um. Eh? That is one weird-ass phone sex fantasy, buddy.

As is expected, I yelled at the worthless little shit and got his operator number. He's #34 in case anyone wants a heads up.