Journey to Georgia

This is a post for my good friend Flavian. He's visiting the grand city of Valdosta, Georgia next week- very much against his will. Apparently, he's being sent there by his employer, which sucks because they're sending him to Valdosta, but rocks because he can say he's going out of town "on business."

I've *always* wanted to say I was going out of town "on business." The closest I've ever gotten was when we ran out of pennies at Winn Dixie and I got sent to the Winn Dixie on the other side of town to borrow a few dollars worth.

But enough about my personal issues. Flavian is not looking forward to his trip because he's going to miss me terribly. Oh, and because it's a trip to Valdosta. But mostly because he'll miss my poise and sophistication. He's never told me this, exactly, but thanks to my matronly empathy and profound understanding of the human soul, I just know.

Plus, I am totally kickass. Who wouldn't want to party with me?

But alas, I can't go. So for Flavian, I have researched the magical city of Valdosta. I hope your trip is as tolerable as it can possibly be in my absence.

What's fun in Valdosta?

First of all, there's some slapdash amusement park called Wild Adventures that has a REAL WOODEN ROLLER COASTER! For those of you who live in 2005, you may remember wood as being the thing that was used to make roller coasters before they realized how crappy it was. But it's nostalgic! Or something! So, uh, go have fun, kiddo!

If you're more interested in seeing trees before they were prematurely slaughtered and sliced into a grotesque display of consumerism* then you can visit the second largest swamp in Georgia at the Grand Bay Wildlife Management Area! Their motto: "Who doesn't want to walk through a Georgia swamp in June?" Just try not to enjoy it too much, Flavian. You are there "on business" remember!

And last, but certainly not least- the Annual Downtown Celebration will be happening during your stay! Aren't you lucky? This is apparently held in honor of some dude named Mack and will be held, conveniently enough, at a place called "Mack's Park." What better time to fulfill your yearly quota of Mack-related activities? You can paint on a Community Canvas in honor of Mack's birthday! You can view the new Mack Mural! You can even enjoy a 3-D Mack-attack with a sculpture appropriately entitled "Where is Mack Now That We Need Him?"

It's a timeless question. And with nothing better to do, I have no doubt that the good people of Valdosta will find an answer soon.

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*Did that annoy the shit out of you, Flav? Cause that's kinda what I was going for.