Today was supposed to be the grand unveiling of the list of penis-related hits that arose from last week's Penis Roundup. Tragically, it seems like even the best laid plans don't always attract creepy old porn hounds. On the surface, one would assume that any penis post would attract countless hits due to the unsettling number of times that americans search for penis related content. What I didn't account for, however, was the fact that for every single one of those searches, there are probably 820937 websites and a metric butt-load of daily spam emails just waiting to be found before me.
So, the roundup was a complete failure. On the plus side, my average page read time has lept up by an astonishing 3000% since I posted the cock-talk. That's right. 3-0-0-0-%. And what are these people pretending to come here for?
"naked hippies " gay
vegan pot brownies
"crank yankers" turd (always a favorite)
planet porn
armpit of america
and my personal favorite:
costco pleather loveseat
Clearly, I attract a deviant crowd to begin with. They come for the vegan pot brownies, they stay for the penis. And now I will deliver.
Penis-related tip for the day!
Let's say that you've just broken up with a guy. He done you wrong and you want revenge. Wankershanks recommends pretending to spread a vicious rumor. Drop a fake "note to your best friend" where you know he'll find it. Make sure the note casually mentions the unsightly mole on the "family jewels" (note that being vague about the exact location is extremely important). Does he actually have one? Of course not! But he won't be satisfied until he's spent hours constructing an elaborate series of pulleys and mirrors just to make sure. Bonus points if he trims the hedges for a closer look.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment