the proof is in the polls

Now, for a long time, people have said that I'm a partisan asshole whenever I claim that Bush supporters are stupid.

Stupid is usually an "opinion" kinda thing. But thanks to a new poll by www.PIPA.org, the realms of "opinion" and "fact" are being blurred in a wonderful way.

Even after the final report of Charles Duelfer to Congress saying that Iraq did not have a significant WMD program, 72% of Bush supporters continue to believe that Iraq had actual WMD (47%) or a major program for developing them (25%). 75% of Bush supporters continue to believe that Iraq was providing substantial support to al QaedaFifty-six percent assume that most experts believe Iraq had actual WMD and 57% also assume, incorrectly, that Duelfer concluded Iraq had at least a major WMD program. Kerry supporters hold opposite beliefs on all these points.

Similarly, , and 63% believe that clear evidence of this support has been found. Sixty percent of Bush supporters assume that this is also the conclusion of most experts, and 55% assume, incorrectly, that this was the conclusion of the 9/11 Commission. Here again, large majorities of Kerry supporters have exactly opposite perceptions.

Essentially, although the people at PIPA were entirely too lame to state the obvious, the above poll shows that Bush has a stronghold in lala land. I wonder how many electoral votes that'll get him?

This just in!

Preliminary reports indicate that some college kids threw pies at Ann Coulter. This is a second hand report courtesy of my good friend from http://www.livejournal.com/users/metalprophet/.

I will post updates as they become available.

... update- apparently, the first pie missed her, while the second one grazed her shoulder as she fled the scene. Still scanning for a link. No word yet as to the pie flavor, although I think we can all agree that Boysenberry would add a nice touch of class to this otherwise low-brow pieing.

I've heard speculations that cream pies were employed. This would disappoint me tremendously.

... update- word is, the scene of the crime was Arizona State University.

... update- FINALLY! It was CUSTARD!!
Way to keep me guessing, boys!

... last update: there is a VIDEO!

I aim to please

Wow. Apparently my blog is high up on Google for Brytec Roofing hits. Seriously, I've gotten more traffic from that little rant than I have from all my frozen dinner reviews and my tampon-talk *combined.*

The people have spoken.

First of all, for those of you playing along at home... here's a link to my first rant about the topic: rant!

Now for the updates: there aren't any. Well, not really. I called Brytec Roofing a few times after writing my last post. The phone just rang and rang. So, I called another number I hadn't called recently and... they picked up immediately. Yipee. I was told that the guy I needed to speak with wasn't there. Surprise. I said I wasn't hanging up until he got on the phone. Within 30 seconds, he was magically on the phone.
Here's a general replay:

me:"you ruined my stuff. where's this insurance money I was promised, buckaroo?"
him: "bullshit blah blah bullshit."
me:"my stuff is really, REALLY ruined."
him: "oops."

Okay- not word for word, but you get the gist. He's saying one thing, the apartment complex is saying another... I really don't care who the bigger douchebag is here. I'm not going to compare the two on a scale of doucheitude. I just need to get this taken care of so that I can go back to having a life that's only *incredibly* stressful instead of *unbearably* stressful.

Is that really too much to ask?

Oh- and to the good folks at Brytec, and their lousy web designers, here's a helpful tip: If you're going to implore people to "call today!" then you just might want to include a phone number on your webpage. Just a thought, you know... (see Brytecwww.brytecroofing.com for the amazingly information-free website)

sexual harassment: wear it!

my god. they already have
t-shirts.

Hey Asshole!

Whoever found my blog by searching for "women over 40 fucking," this blog is just for your sorry ass.

Go fuck yourself. Seriously. Take your nasty little porn-crazed self away from civilized society. And don't EVER come to my blog again.

huh.

Looks like I haven't posted to my blog in quite a while. Whaddaya know.

Things have been crazy and hectic. The douchebags who fucked my roof up and ruined tons of my shit (Hey Brytec Roofing of Orlando, FL- I'm looking at you!) are avoiding my calls like the plague. If I don't hear back from them by Monday, then I'll start Phase 2 on Tuesday.

They don't want to see Phase 2.

It'll start with a good dose of rapid-fire phone calls. Maybe every 5 minutes? Every 2 minutes? I dunno. We'll see how fast I can dial I suppose.

But we all know that won't work for long. God forbid they discover caller ID. But that's okay. I have their address. I think Wednesday will be a good day to implement Phase 3. Of course, I'm still trying to decide which route to go with Phase 3. There's the firm, businesslike angle of striding into the office, demanding to see someone, and not leaving until my questions are answered. Or, there's the crazy, fun angle of wearing my skivvies outside my pants and staging a one-looney protest on the sidewalk. Both clearly have their appeals.

Then of course, there's Phase 4 where I call the freebie lawyers at the university and ask them to help me get my freaking money, as well as tidy up any harassment issues that I caused via Phase 3.

This is going to be tremendously fun.

Dred Scott and WTF?

Like many people, I was fucking baffled when Bush mentioned the Dred Scott case in last night's debate. Sooooo... he wasn't going to appoint anyone who was pro-slavery? Ummmm, at this point, I would hope that's a given in this country.

But according to the DailyKos, there's more to this story that many of us saner voters probably missed:

When Bush made reference to "Dred Scott" he was assuring his anti-choice constituents that he would indeed only appoint Supreme Court justices who would remove abortion rights.

a-ha. Now that makes sense. Apparently among the looney fringe, the Dred Scott decision is frequently used as a parallel to the Roe v Wade decision.

An example from dailykos:

The reasoning in Dred Scott and Roe v. Wade is nearly identical. In both cases the Court stripped all rights from a class of human beings and reduced them to nothing more than the property of others. Compare the arguments the Court used to justify slavery and abortion. Clearly, in the Court's eyes, unborn children are now the same "beings of an inferior order" that the justices considered Blacks to be over a century ago.

And there you have it. Bush's whole "I'm not telling you!" act was clever- but not clever enough. Much love to the amazingly astute folks at dailykos.

edited cause I should probably add a link to the dailykos page with the info...
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2004/10/9/16460/5820

WOAH! Debate throw down!

Did Bush just yell down the moderator and demand time to respond to Kerry's statements?!?!

Did that just happen?

What the freaking fuck was that????

Fuck bush. I swear to god if that fucking asshole is elected again...

Fuck Bush and fuck the fucking asshat goons in his shithole administration.

Look, I've been entirely too nice to this psychotic chimp we have lose in the white house and I'm fucking fed up.

How dare you. How fucking dare you try to claim that you gave two shits and a fuck about the women in Iraq when you awarded a major grant to the fucking IWF (which Lynne Cheney is conveniently on the board of) to supposedly improve women's lot in Iraq?!?!?!

The Independant Women's Forum, for those of you lucky enough to not be in the know, is the right wing's answer to the axis of evil known as, um, women. Basically, they sit around and try to talk away any study or report that remotely indicates that there is any gender inequality in America.

Check out their website. No sane person could ever consider these folks to be interested in women's rights. Their articles seem to fit into four catagories:
1. Why we love the GOP
2. Why we hate feminists
3. Never trust a woman who "claims" to be raped or sexually harassed
4. Why men and women are so super different and... did we mention we hate feminists?

For instance, there's a great piece by Wendy McElroy (amazingly also a foxnews empoyee!) that talks about the rape scandals at Colorado University. Apparently all that mumbo jumbo about sex parties and an atmosphere that encourages sexual assault must have just been that liberal spin. What REALLY happened was that the university created an atmosphere that encourages sexual assault allegations! False ones. And the reason given for this? Because one dude who used to work for the university's sexual assault awareness organization claims that they used to use rape statistics that some people (aka the IWF) allege are inaccurate.(http://www.iwf.org/issues/issues_detail.asp?ArticleID=574)
And people buy this?!?

So Bush- How exactly do you expect these women to help rape victims when they won't even believe them? I suppose that the rape statistics in Iraq will magically decline once the IWF is on the case. But not from a decrease in rapes.

In other IWF news, the wage gap in the US apparently is "mythical" (despite that pesky census thing that proves otherwise). Global warming is "pseudo-science" (didn't even the Bush administration recently admit that global warming was real? Someone at the IWF better check their right-wing talking-points memos more often) Oh and sexual harassment in the workplace? That's really just a case of "heterophobia" and "antagonism toward men."

Who needs antagonism toward men when there are women willing to cover up sexism in order to get some brownie points from the fellas?

And in return, those fellas apparently toss them a fucking grant so they can teach women worldwide how to shut up and suck up.

He lies like a fox

Apparently, the Chief Political Correspondant for Fox News is quite biased in favor of the right wing. (I know everyone is just shocked and appalled.)

Even more so, he MADE UP quotes from Kerry and plopped them into a fake story that was then posted on Foxnews.com.

Dan Rather to God: "Hallelujah!!!"

Us normal folk would assume that foxnews can't possibly continue on with their hypocritical bashing of the "liberal" media after this, can they?

Oh but they can and they are! Although I was completely unable to find any mention of their tremendous faux-pas on the foxnews.com home page, there were 2 links to tirades about the CBS blunder: one of which actually proposed criminally prosecuting the people involved.

I'm going to love seeing what the Daily Show does with this one. This is one stoned slacker who can't fucking wait.

technology gone awry

The tv dinner.

It's beauty lies in it's simplicity. This should be obvious to everyone. Apparently, it is not.

Tonight's Healthy Choice feast required seven- count them- SEVEN steps prior to consumption. Just configuring the box properly was like trying to play Jenga while intoxicated. First you open it, (left side only!!) making sure not to disrupt the integrity of the reinsertion tab. Then you fold the top back and insert the tab (or curse if you ripped the damned tab off). This reveals the super-crust-inducing, titanium coated "heat shield 4000." Place the meal directly on the heat shield 4000 and roll back the Radiation Deflector to fully cover your dinner. You may now nuke the dinner.

And you think it's over, right? You think they've humiliated your intelligence enough over this. Now you push the little "3 minute" button and the "start" button and assume that everything is fine.

But the game's not over yet! As the dinner is whirring around in the microwave you notice, to your complete horror, that you have only completed 5 steps in the preparation process. 5?!?! But there were 7 on the box! Bloody hell!

You go to check the garbage can for the box... but it's not in there! It's whizzing around your microwave, taunting you with the remaining two directions. What could they be... WHAT COULD THEY BE?!?!?!

Clearly, you can't stop the cooking process. You don't want to destroy all your hard work! So you press your face up to the microwave window, despite your recent email forward informing you that this causes immediate retina cancer, and try like hell to read those spinning directions.

"Remove plastic and stir after 1 minute, thirty?!? Mother fu... It's nearly been 1 minute, fourty-five! Goddamned hoity-toity frozen pieces of..."

Okay. Okay. Deep breath. You can do this. What's next?

"Caution: Product will be hot"

"Now that's not even a goddamned instruction! That's a warning! Couldn't they atleast make it a different fucking font?!?! This better be tasty, you Healthy Choice scoundrels."

And it was. I'll give them that. But honestly, with the intellectual marathon it took me to figure out the directions, I could have found a way to spontaneously generate baby ducks from toothpicks and pinesol and make my own foie gras.

Tampax Attax

The most widespread phobia in America today seems to be the fear of tampons and their ilk. For women, it's the fear that other people might know that we (gasp!) use them once in a while. There are even products marketed to women that specifically tout their spy-like abilities. There's the pad that comes with a special wrapper that makes no noise... so ze Germans won't hear you approaching! The tampon that comes compacted with telescopic properties that only you know about! And then there are the assortment of cases and clutches that disguise the tampons so as to keep the enemy guessing.
What I'd really love to see is a camoflaged tampon wrapper. Maybe even some sort of chameleon-like cover so it blends into it's surroundings. If I know the tampon industry, I imagine they've already got a prototype or two floating about.
But anyway...

I started thinking about this today because of an incident at work. Apparently, there was a rogue tampon laying near my desk. It was the telescopic tampax kind (apparently, the enemy has gotten word of this technology.) A male coworker spotted it, discretely picked it up, and palmed it over to me like he was slipping me a c-note after some secret office debauchery.

"I didn't think you'd want anyone to see this," he whispered to me.

"Huh." I said. "Thanks. It's actually not mine, but thank you anyway."

I thought this was a reasonable assertion. Sure, it was near my desk, but my desk is in a high traffic area, after all. Apparently, he wasn't buying it.

"Sure. Okay. It's not yours." He said, and walked away with a look that clearly said "We BOTH know that was your tampon."

I thought about stopping him to clarify the situation. But, really, I would have dug myself deeper. I guess it's kinda like when your shoe "farts." You could go through the whole song-and-dance explanation of saying "damned new shoes..." then spending the next ten minutes trying to recreate the noise in order to redeem yourself.
And you know that in the end, it just made you look even guiltier. No matter how advanced our culture gets, people still cling to the age-old proverb that "whoever denied it, supplied it."

And I figure that's probably how it goes with tampons too. Plus, what do I care? He walked away thinking that he had caught me in a web of lies and I walked away thinking "hey, free tampon!"

Debate, blah, blah.

As if we didn't all know it already, Kerry kicked Bush's ass during last night's debate.

The only reason I'm stating the blatantly obvious is because, apparently, it isn't obvious to a lot of really dumb people.
So this post is just for you, dumb people.

When a debater looks like a frustrated chimp who can't find his banana, that's probably a good indication that he didn't win the debate. When a debater resorts to impatient shrugs and mumbles, he didn't win the debate. When a debater uses the phrase "we thought we'd whip more of em going in" in reference to a controversial war, he damn sure didn't win the debate.

You know it's true, you sneaky republican spinsters, you.