Tampax Attax

The most widespread phobia in America today seems to be the fear of tampons and their ilk. For women, it's the fear that other people might know that we (gasp!) use them once in a while. There are even products marketed to women that specifically tout their spy-like abilities. There's the pad that comes with a special wrapper that makes no noise... so ze Germans won't hear you approaching! The tampon that comes compacted with telescopic properties that only you know about! And then there are the assortment of cases and clutches that disguise the tampons so as to keep the enemy guessing.
What I'd really love to see is a camoflaged tampon wrapper. Maybe even some sort of chameleon-like cover so it blends into it's surroundings. If I know the tampon industry, I imagine they've already got a prototype or two floating about.
But anyway...

I started thinking about this today because of an incident at work. Apparently, there was a rogue tampon laying near my desk. It was the telescopic tampax kind (apparently, the enemy has gotten word of this technology.) A male coworker spotted it, discretely picked it up, and palmed it over to me like he was slipping me a c-note after some secret office debauchery.

"I didn't think you'd want anyone to see this," he whispered to me.

"Huh." I said. "Thanks. It's actually not mine, but thank you anyway."

I thought this was a reasonable assertion. Sure, it was near my desk, but my desk is in a high traffic area, after all. Apparently, he wasn't buying it.

"Sure. Okay. It's not yours." He said, and walked away with a look that clearly said "We BOTH know that was your tampon."

I thought about stopping him to clarify the situation. But, really, I would have dug myself deeper. I guess it's kinda like when your shoe "farts." You could go through the whole song-and-dance explanation of saying "damned new shoes..." then spending the next ten minutes trying to recreate the noise in order to redeem yourself.
And you know that in the end, it just made you look even guiltier. No matter how advanced our culture gets, people still cling to the age-old proverb that "whoever denied it, supplied it."

And I figure that's probably how it goes with tampons too. Plus, what do I care? He walked away thinking that he had caught me in a web of lies and I walked away thinking "hey, free tampon!"