St. Patties day sale at the Abandoned Kids Store!!!

I thought about calling this thread something like the "Fox News Jackass of the Month," and making it a regular feature. Then I realized that it would be too hard to properly honor all the jackasses at Fox by limiting myself to 12 times per year. I could do a weekly one, but even that might not do justice. Daily? Hourly? Perhaps I should just keep a more analog, if you will, live-blog tally so that I don't miss a single second of jackassery?

I'll keep thinking about it. But for now, the Fox News Jackass of Right Now is none other than John Gibson!

What did he say to receive such a high honor? Oh, what didn't he say?
In his latest article titled "The Basic Idea of Marriage is to Raise Kids" (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,150672,00.html) he claims that

Gays can't have kids — other than going to the abandoned kids store and getting one or two, or borrowing sperm from someone with more sperm than brains — so by definition they're out of the marriage game.

Abandoned kids store. Wow. That's a little um, offensive. Oh- wait! My mistake. This is a conservative talking. They aren't offensive, they're "folksy!" Or "straight-talkin!" They're "politically incorrect" because they don't bow down to shrieking special interest groups like black people and women and uhhhh... children without parents.

Jay-zus.

But of course, that's not even the half of it- what's this nonsense about biological children being required for a legal marriage? I don't remember that being on my marriage certificate. I'm sure that all the infertile couples of the world will appreciate knowing that their marriages are invalid in the eyes of 'compassionate' conservatives everywhere.

He sorta tries to answer the infertile couple question by stopping off at the old people store... but fails miserably. Continuing from "... by definition, they're out of the marriage game..."

In theory, so would couples who get married in their eighties. Chances are good that no kids come out of that holy union. But it is at least theoretically possible. Not so with gays.

It's good to know that theoretically, marriages between 80 year olds would also be invalid except that they can theoretically have children. I'm not a betting woman, myself, but considering that the oldest woman to not-so-theoretically have ever given birth was 14 years shy of 80, and required 9 years of hormone therapy to do it, I'd say that I'll put my money on the big ol' homo's reaching that finish line first.
http://www.nbc5.com/irresistible/4106894/detail.html

But, he ends on a conciliatory note by saying that he's not mean, he's okay with the gays having the rights, so long as they don't call it "marriage." Yeah, well, I'll toss some rights your way too, buddy. So long as you stop calling adoption agencies "abandoned kids stores." So far, you've only got the right to be labelled the Fox News Jackass of Right Now.