Just Breathe (and think), People.

I think I've mentioned before that I work at a technical college in Orlando. This can be less-than-pleasant during severe weather. The students, mostly, are fine. Students cause surprisingly few problems for the staff of the school.

The parents, on the other hand... they're a headache and a half. Keep in mind while reading these calls that while all of them involve freaked-out-edness over evacuations, orange county has not even requested evacuations yet. Not even voluntary ones.

Call #1:
psychopath: "My fragile little angel is a student there. He doesn't have a car, so he can't drive himself to a shelter. Is the school sending cars around to pick students up?"

Me, confusedly: "uhhhh no. Why would we do that?"

psychopath, irate and starting to get screechy: "Well, if you won't do it, then how is he going to get to the shelter?"

Now, at this point, I could take the fun, but eventually jobless, way out. I could say that his best bet is to lasso up a tornado and ride it to the shelter, or atleast until he runs into a kindly wizard who will hook him up with a brain for his mamma.
But, I don't. Instead, I heave an exaggerated sigh and tell her the number for Florida's disaster hotline. Those poor volunteers at the hotline.

Call #2
psychopath: "Can my priceless son stay at the school during the hurricane?"

me, still confusedly: "No. But he can stay at any of the shelters in the Orlando area."

psychopath: "Why can't he stay there?!?!?"

me, entirely too calmly: "Because we aren't set up for that. The shelters are a much safer place for him."

psychopath: "I can't BELIEVE you would make MY SON stay in a shelter (said with great distaste.)

Now, I should have read to her the definition of "shelter" to provide myself the entertainment of having her realize that she actually lived in a shelter! And that her little prince actually lived in a shelter! And that, amazingly enough, neither of them are too good to temporarily relocate to a different shelter!
But, instead, I gave her the number for the Florida disaster hotline. Those poor, poor volunteers.

Call #3
psychopath: "I need to know how you're getting information to your students about what shelters are open."

me: "well, that's not really what we do. There are official organizations for that... ummm... I'm not really sure what kind of answer you're looking for."

psychopath: "well, my son has NO idea where the shelters are. I can't BELIEVE you aren't doing more to make sure your students are safe."

Now, I should have said that there are these great ways of transferring information called television, radio and the internet. And, amazingly enough, they've all been invented. Even more amazing is that all the major news channels and radio stations have been frantically tossing around shelter information for the past 2 days. Now, if your little brat is watching cartoon network instead of cnn and waiting around for me to do the legwork for him, I can't really help you. Moreover, if you actually expect me to try to call all of our students to make sure they have information that is so readily availible it will soon begin seeping into the Florida Aquifer as informational runoff, then I really don't care if he does get blown away.
But, instead, I gave him the number to the Florida disaster hotline. Those poor, poor, poor volunteers.

There's a lesson here somewhere. And it probably should be that planning ahead pays off and prevents a lot of stress and worry. But that's not it. The lesson here is: Don't volunteer for Florida's disaster hotline. Cause I'm sending a lot of assholes your way.