Back by popular demand!

Okay, not really "popular demand," per say. But at the request of a faithful, anonymous reader (aka, Ryan Kent) I will continue the series of strange but true stories involving my dear friend, 'Ryan.'

This time, our phantasmagoric (yes, it is a word) journey begins at a small suburban/rural high school on the north side of Tampa, Florida. There were birds chirping and children laughing... all unaware of the struggle that was about to unfold.

"Run, Phil! RUUUUUUUUUN!" We screamed at the portly, taco-weilding teenager as he darted amongst the enveloping foliage. Before long, the trees completely shielded him from our sights. Ryan and I would soon know what had become of him- no matter how grisly his fate. Would he emerge triumphant? Tacos in hand and running towards the saftey of the physics class room? Or would he be caught by the ever-watchful guards and made to suffer a horrible fate? Only time would tell.

Before I continue, perhaps I ought to explain a few minor details. Just a little insight on the "artistic license" I've taken with this story, you see. First of all, by "enveloping foliage" I am, of course, referring to the sparse landscaping around the school. A few spindly trees and some shrubbery, mostly. When I say he was "completely shielded from our sights" you must understand that, well, he was taking A LONG time to run and see, Ryan's attention span isn't all that great. Nor is mine. So we probably just stopped watching in favor of, I don't know, punching each other. Or something.
The "ever watchful guards" clearly refers to the two pimple faced freshman who were sitting at the kiosk to make sure no students left the school for lunch. And the "horrible fate" that Phil may have suffered? Well, being forced to bribe the afforementioned freshman really did suck. I mean, who wants to hand over a taco to some glorified hall monitor? Not I.

But back to the drama.

"Please, Phil. You... can... DO... this!" I whispered to myself, or perhaps to god. This was clearly out of my hands.
As the midday sun beat down upon the land, he emerged from the trees! Could it be? Was it really Taco Phil? Or was this just a cruel mirage?

It was him. As he darted and wove towards the physics classroom, I could physically feel the pride emanating off his glistening body. The pride... and the stink. I'm not kidding, it was like a wall of funk, people. And you better know it was all over the tacos.

God damn it, Taco Phil.